Living Simply

:::spousumentary:::

2012-02-15T09:45:00.000-05:00

Spousumentary! from Young Life on Vimeo.

i'm evidently on a blog-roll. i guess thats what happens after a few weeks of travel, packed full of incredible people & experiences in a different setting. its an influx of insight!

painfully wonderful insight, actually.

in looking back at some of my notes from all-staff, i realized my biggest "take-away" was that ben & i must figure out a way for our ministry to overlap more. our eyes both filled with tears as we watched the video in a room with 4,000+ other staff people. i kinda feel like it was made just for us to see, just at that time. it expressed in so many ways both our hearts...

how do we raise a family together?

how do we do ministry together?

how do we love each other & others well?

i think ben & i both would agree that over the past few years since we moved to davidson, we have once again had to search our souls & make sure we were matching up with His plan for our daily lives. sometimes its been ugly trying to attempt to get things in that order... to hear each other out on where we think God is leading us both to serve Him, together & individually. it continues to be a work in progress. there is no formula. as this depiction shows... each family looks different... but somehow it works when we all find a rhythm. thanks for being patient with us as we struggle to find our rhythm. life is a beautiful mixture of changing seasons. i guess it's more fun that way! life for sure is not boring! but FULL & MESSY. we are forced into a constant reliance on Someone BEYOND us.

this clip also features a pretty cute couple we know (the.fowlers) in greensboro who have shown through longevity on staff that something they are doing is working (not perfection, but leaning into that loving Creator of ours & each other).... love the image of mike setting up susie to do ministry, which in turn is him in ministry as well, just more behind the scenes (this is my role alot!).

here's a lil window into life as we know it... i'm thankful. i'm tired. & it's worth it.

what's your rhythm in your family?
what makes you feel "in it" with your spouse?
how do you connect daily?

these were my ponderings in light of a valentine's day connecting a lil bit with that man i love & am so thankful to walk alongside of in this life.

a.lil.LuV.

2012-02-14T08:51:00.000-05:00

happy valentine's day ya'll.

jude's 1st valentine's day! mmm what are these things!?!

:::back.to.the.start:::

2012-02-13T17:57:00.001-05:00

i know, i know... it's caused some controversy since the showing between grammy's last night... but i think it's worth posting. love the music, love the soothing colors, love the message. mmmm chipotle sounds good right about now... alas! it's time to explore the fridge!

hope.at.home.

2012-02-13T08:50:00.001-05:00

i feel honored & privileged to be able to start blogging for IOH parents this month! if you want to check out my first post... click here: Love is Listening It's my hope that after families attend retreats, they will have a little something to take home. More posts are in the making! (Kristen, thanks for letting me be a part of your legacy in this way)

singing:::hymns

2012-02-11T13:37:00.000-05:00

i told ben i would organize our life while he was at windy gap... so i'm clearing off the piles & piles (omy!) on our desk... while singing hymns. boys are napping. no one can hear me. & it's good for my soul. i recently heard somewhere that the devil flees at a hymn... wanna join me....virtually?

IOH:::JOYinSuffering.

2012-02-11T00:29:00.001-05:00

This moment, this place, is none other than a gate to heaven, a window of grace. Even here, a place of God.

-ann voskamp

this quote sums up the theme of this past IOH retreat in orlando for me.

these families have been given news. news that will change them.
news of a terminal illness. news that could potentially shorten their life on earth. their time with their spouse. their kids. their community. their loves in this life.

we are not guaranteed tomorrow. none of us.
so when i'm reminded of the shortness & sweetness of life...
i can't help but consider how i can live my life more fully.

right now, 3 women are helping me to see Jesus more clearly, non-stop.
they are modeling for me the art of living fully in the moment.
one i know personally, one i don't, one i just met.

kristen milligan, the one i do know, is living this out. daily. she started inheritance of hope soon after she had 1/2 of her liver removed on her 30th birthday, when her youngest of 3 was 6 months old... to offer HOPE to other families. right before my eyes, i'm watching her, live fully, in the moment. despite the 9 year battle with cancer. the longings. she has contentment. thankfulness.

she radiates PEACE. i can't help but FEEL jesus at just the thought.

ann voskamp, of 1,000 gifts, of aholyexperience.com is the one i don't know.
i'm re-reading her book now & studying it with some friends at oasis.
she really knows how to beautifully depict the otherwise mundane. she has helped me to begin to pause, see jesus, offer gratitude, & see His hand. in every little detail.

libby ryder, a fellow young life staff wife in virginia of don'twasteyourcancer who is now cancer free & openly sharing what life looks like post-cancer as a mom, wife, lover of jesus. i've been following her blog from the start & finally got to meet her at all-staff for YL. she recently posted this honest window into her heart: "without meaning to i have begun to turn into someone i never wanted to be. i do not want to pretend i have it all together anymore. instead i am a mess. i mean i am fine. but i am still a mess. does that make sense? i am functioning fine. but my heart. my insides are a bit of a mess. scarred a little. pretty raw. just sad sometimes. not all the time. i just feel like i am carrying a heavy weight around that i am ready to lay down. i want to allow myself to be weak, to cry, to be vulnerable. He makes beautiful things. He makes beautiful things out me and out of you. He is making me new. He is making me new. He is making making me new."

i mention these women because they point me to our Creator.
(they do the opposite of pointing to themselves)
the One who knows how many hairs we have on our head.
the One who knows the deepest, darkest parts of us & loves us anyway.

i attended my 3rd Inheritance of Hope retreat this past weekend.
this time i was able to "enter in" to the lives of these parents, kids, & teens.
more than i have before. i was not as nervous. i was more confident in His spirit.

i needed His spirit, because i did not know what to say. i was saddened by the fact that the milligans were unable to attend the whole retreat due to kristen's health & burdened by the weight the teens shared that they carry in my group sessions. when i prayed or spoke, i did not know what to pray. it all just kinda fell out of my mouth (sometimes with a thud vs. a smoothness i'm sure). don't ask me what i said. He was so there. in every moment. His goodness.

romans 8:18-28 Present Suffering & Future Glory
"i consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us....we hope for what we do not yet have...in the same way the Spirit helps us in our weakness."

i was able to bring along some incredible counselors to shadow the process in each of the groups...parents, kids, teens. they offered me insight & feedback that was helpful. its always a beautiful thing to watch minds come together to "better" something. to tweak. edit. rearrange. affirm. shift. love. express. i love these people, their hearts, their compassion. so thankful for each of you:::dana, natalie, emily, carol, kelly, megan, & jenn! gene & linda, thanks for your wisdom once again, & meg, you were missed deeply!

the highlight of the time by far was getting a phone call from jill saying that the milligans were flying in! kristen was determined to give her testimony as she usually does in the closing ceremony. i was blessed to be able to stay in & listen this time. to hear the start of this legacy, that will stand firmly, & grow in the months & years to come!

as i watched this gentle, yet bold.
peaceful, yet radiant.
sick, yet joyous woman share her heart.
her fears. her relinquishing of control over to jesus.
i was in AWE of her JOY in the midst of suffering.

kristen, especially now, you continue to show me what trust is.
it has made a deep impact in my soul & i'm forever changed by knowing you.

through this journey & process you are showing us how to fully live. in Christ.
through the unknown. the uncertain. the unpredictable.

i'm so blessed to know you, friend. this reminds me of you:::so brave. so strong.

"rejecting JOY to stand in solidarity with the suffering does not rescue the suffering. the converse does. the brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful and all things true, even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover JOY even in the here & now, they are the change agents who bring fullest LIGHT to all the world....."
"JOY is always possible. whenever, meaning---now; wherever, meaning---here. they holy grail of JOY is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. the JOY wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, JOY might be---unbelievably---possible! the only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here & now." -ann voskamp

*slideshow from earlier this week:::dear families made memories & were offered HOPE, that only our Creator can offer:

{if you want to keep up with IOH, donate, volunteer, pray or refer a family... please check out the website here: IOH information )

::petition:::

2012-02-10T13:33:00.001-05:00

on replay while i ponder a post about IOH & petition the Lord on behalf of my heart, the milligan family, & all the families i met at this past retreat...
(thanks for reminding me about this song michelle at oasis thursday! love it.)

Father whate’er of earthly bliss
Thy sovereign hand denies
Accepted at Thy throne of grace
Let this petition rise

Let the sweet hope that thou art mine
My life and death attend
Thy presence through my journey shine
And crown my journey’s end

Give me a calm, a thankful heart
From every murmur free
The blessings of Thy grace impart
And make me live to Thee

You raise your hand to still the storms
That rage inside my head
Revive my heart with gratitude
Love quell my doubt and dread

Give me a sure and rested soul
From every fear relief
The spirit’s power and presence mine
To ever comfort me

Give me a sure, a restful heart
From every fear relief
Thy spirit’s power and presence mine
To ever comfort me.

Give me a calm, a thankful heart
From every murmur free
The blessings of thy grace impart
And make me live to thee.

IOH & request for Prayer

2012-02-04T08:03:00.000-05:00

(update: this picture above was taken at our retreat this past weekend!!

kristen & her family were able to make the trip down to share her testimony & it was beyond a JOY to see her & hug her!)

you can follow this IOH retreat & pray by signing up here:
IOH FEB RETREAT AT DISNEY

also, please pray for my dear friend Kristen Milligan... look up her caringpage here:
Kristen's Carepage with updates

she is the co-founder & heart behind Inheritance of Hope.
she is home with her sweet family in the north carolina mountains.
they are not able to attend this retreat with the current status of her health.

i would much appreciate your prayers for us all this weekend.

we want to love on these families really well, in her honor!!!

ASC:::photo/video.tour.

2012-02-03T08:03:00.002-05:00

Cash Family Band @ Seaworld YLASC2012 from ben mcdaniel on Vimeo.

ASC:::top5.

2012-02-03T01:00:00.001-05:00

ASC:::quoted.

2012-02-03T00:54:00.003-05:00

favorite quotes from the week:

listening is so hard because you have to set yourself aside. -john evans, mft

our biggest weakness is disobeying the Spirit & hanging out only with people
just like us. -tim keller

in general we are not fixers, we are signposts, pointing to jesus, the healer. -john evans, mft

this is just a tough season. -lynne trice

YL.ASC.2012. {reflections}.

2012-01-30T10:13:00.000-05:00

where do i begin? last week we got the privilege of attending the always much anticipated younglife all-staff conference that happens every 4 years in orlando. this time there were 4,000+ of us... which meant we had an entire hotel to ourselves for a week. filled with a ton of hugs.reunions.good food. speakers. musicians. & wisdom.

i'm still processing most of it... but will be typing as things come to mind throughout the next few days. more to come on all we learned & experienced at all-staff this year! for now it's back to the grind... unpacking, laundry, to-do-lists, emails, & easing back into life at home...

**update**... this week i've hit the ground running ... playing catch-up from a week in florida has been bittersweet. i finished the laundry, but no joke just loaded it back in my suitcase for my next floridian mini-trip. it's time for another IOH retreat, so i've only had a few days at home to breathe... & they have been FULL days. jude seems to have some crud ... laryngitis, super clingy, & waking up a lot at night. today is the first day his voice is improving (whine i should say) & his nose is starting to run. please pray he gets better fast... flying with a sick baby will not be ideal entering into what will be an emotionally draining/rejuvenating few days.

so back to all-staff.... this may be a word-phrase summary & pictures may have to come later. all i learned is still swirling around in this overwhelmed lil brain of mine....

-got to see friends from raleigh, hickory, greensboro, cali, malibu, workcrew, summer staff, tarheel region, carolinas region, etc. etc. etc. (imagine nonstop hellos, hugs, smiles, & even a few... wait i know i know but where do i know you froms)

-got to have a few real, deep conversations with some people i really love a lot

-got to finally meet a "virtual" friend who's hubs is on staff in VA & who has been teaching us all who follow her blog ( & one day soon her book--you go girl--i'll be one of the many who buy it) how to not waste our life... libby, it was a JOY to finally meet you.

-i stood in awe of the fact that this whole body of people... has a similar heart & mission as us.

-we overtook seaworld & ate, heard from the cash family band, jeff foxworthy, & a beautiful fireworks show over the water (although i must admit i thought katy perry was about to come on stage... would have been odd, but fun)

- enjoyed various video clips from some well-known people talking about their love for YL... dolly parton, the president of FCA, IV, Southern Baptist Convention, joel mccael (the soup guy), & more

- loved hearing from a capernaum kid, named michael, with downs syndrome who spoke the gospel so clearly, genuinely, & beautifully there was not many dry eyes in the room & oh his laugh... gosh i love that kid. read ash's blog about it here

-bonding with our region more on the first few days at universal & as we listened to the trice's, a precious couple from charlotte who own a counseling center i think a lot of. later in the week we got a chance to meet with them as a couple & talk about life... whats hard, good, & in between. (thanks steve for that gift, it kinda felt like it was just what we needed)

- incredible musicians & worship... brandon heath, andrew osenga, cashes, jonah werner, drew&ellie holcomb, etc.

- two seminars that really equipped us for heading back into the grind::: hard conversations & topics with kids (john evans, MFT) & raising a family on YL staff (pritchards) *more on these seminars as i digest

-jude feeling like an only child for the 1st time in his life (lots of attention, love, cuddles, napping in my ergo, turning the shower on as white noise to soothe him to sleep at night, my little traveler... been to NYC & Florida already in his first few months!)

-eating some amazing food (some great GF options... but i did splurge a little & paid for it..with a fussy, acne faced baby... still recovering i think)

-time alone together .... well kinda... we had jude, but he still sleeps a good amount.

-the international emphasis ... amazed by all the countries where YL is raising up nationals to be on staff in their own culture ::: it's exploding

-really appreciated the care of spouses that was verbalized & demonstrated this time... it made me feel like we can keep doing this crazy, non-routine, vague boundaries, 24/7, thing we call young life for many more years. it made me feel like i'm not alone. it was fun to see the fowlers on that video clip... how they partner in ministry.. support one another, attempt to do this thing together, be one & in it.... made.my.heart.smile.

- mostly i loved being there... in community... remembering why we do this... why we pour out.. love high school & college students. why we run hard. daily. it's about our Creator. what He did. & how we want to share that... with those He puts in our path. & somehow they end up teaching us so much in the process... so.very.much.

it's not easy. this whole young life staff thing, balancing kids... ministry... work... life.
we need Jesus every moment. it was nice to see others are in the same boat. comrades. & it made me realize just how much its a calling on our whole family. i have some fun little quotes & tidbits & songs & more to share... but its late & i have got to s-l-e-e-p. but i finally had a chance to write down at least the big, broad stuff.

so thats that.

love.never.fails.

2012-01-29T22:44:00.002-05:00

brandon heath played this song during a remembrance slideshow of YL staff who have passed away over the past 4 years. needless to say it was emotional, especially with paul barclay being one of those people. it's been ringing in my ears since mid-last-week. enjoy.

:::a.slice.of.heaven:::

2012-01-20T21:24:00.001-05:00

the past 24 hours have been a little slice.of.heaven. for me.

don't miss this tho.... a few things have gone awry in the midst of all the goodness, one being yet another poop battle with my toddler. another, officially being in the process of a short sale listing of our thorn/house in hickory. a lengthy to-do-list that seems unattainable in the near future.... plus a little in/out dose of anxiety thats even creeping into my dreams a bit... to name a few.

however, i've felt my Creator so close by my side. like breathing on my neck close. its made me emotional. His presence. like on the brink of tears turning quickly to laughter, then back to glassy eyes emotional. He pursues me so intently. it's almost hilarious. & so real.

first. my dear husband has gifted me with thursday mornings, to myself, for 11 weeks.
i get to shower, hop in the car, buckle only my seat belt, carry only my bag, grab a yummy frozen or warm beverage, & then slowly enter a women's study at our church called oasis. a dear, wise, humble, woman who i admire very much is leading a study on a book i want to soak in again. i could have done this with boys in tow, but this is much more peaceful. thank you dear...such.a.gift. oh & thanks for serenading us on a daily basis... we like it.

second. once i got there, some really incredible people were in the study. people i know well. people i want to know more. people who at this point are strangers. oh & we only read one tiny paragraph & it mentioned being born with clenched fists... which instantly brought me back to my "with open hands" book i've mentioned before... i'm so expectant. fresh.air.for.my.soul. i want to speak little. listen a lot. & rest.

third. my gobberbean woke up with hair like this from his nap & my boys are both healthy & have kicked the cold that never seemed to go away... finally got back to storytime with mr.george, our fav reader at the library...jude's first!

fourth. i found out thursday night worship started back for the semester last night & this precious couple i know is leading it. i was finally able to stay awake until 10 to experience it for the first time in a long while. taylor&cha, your voices are still in my head today. when i enter this airy sanctuary for worship, i always feel chills, last night it was beyond words or description. surely.the.presence.of.the.lord.is.in.this.place. with a mingling of mumford, be thou my vision, & reason to sing... it was indeed a slice of heaven on earth for me.

lastly. this morning i got the chance to absorb the raw reality of another woman who i stand in awe of in many ways... mostly by her ability to be real.honest.&.herself. i want to be more like this, more assured in my identity & comfortable in who i was made to be. i reaped the benefit of being in her beautifully restored&worn, full-of-life, bustling home this morning, while our boys learned to share&play together, & i was once again pointed to my Creator as a result. i'm so thankful.

in case you didn't catch this last time i posted it a few months ago... reason.to.sing.

each of these have been a firm hand of my Creator on the small of my back....

they give me a reason to sing. they remind me He has the whole world in His hands.

how have you seen/felt/been in awe of our Creator lately?

::: liam&jude :::

2012-01-18T19:22:00.000-05:00

i feel like jude's saying::: "here ya go liam, you can borrow mine buddy"
that, or "hush, be still" either way it's pretty darn cute.

when we lived in hickory, my first friendship was with kt.

it was an arranged coffee date from a mutual friend at copperbean.

that was almost 4 years ago & now liam&jude are buds, just like us.

so.good.to.see.you.friend. it.ALWAYS.is.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVELY MAMA OF THIS CUTE BABE...

you have the sweetest spirit & i'm so thankful for you.

p.s. you are really great about personal snail mail.
i am not. so i hope you know this is my version ;)

all.sons.&.daughters.

2012-01-16T09:23:00.000-05:00

Reason to Sing EPK from All Sons & Daughters on Vimeo.

can't wait to experience this whole album tomorrow... their 1st EPK has been on repeat for weeks around here... tomorrow the 2nd comes out! listen to whole version of reason.to.sing. here

incredible lyrics. depth. & sound.

:::grady's.room:::

2012-01-14T08:32:00.001-05:00

FLIP + george

artwork on display

alphabet cards.

playing with his ark.

big.boy.bed.

the beloved blue dresser always ends up in grady's room... each time we move...

of course jude needs a place to play while we get g down for naps & bedtime...

nice&cozy with manuella & george

{pretending to sleep}

it was fun to compare grady's room as a baby nursery in hickory (click me) oh how i miss that rug! to his bigboy room in our first house in davidson (still in crib), to currently in this house here with an actual bigboy bed & his very own artwork on the walls! here's to hoping this 3rd bedroom in his 3 short years will be his for a while!

silly eyes in 2nd bedroom:::1 year go:

flashback to 2009:::in his nursery (photos by orangecat):

:::toddler.painting.101:::

2012-01-12T11:05:00.000-05:00

toddler painting 101... more great ideas from the.artful.parent. & imagine.our.life.

don't have expectations--embrace free motion... no agenda, art.

paint the hand of your toddler & fun will be had!

grady preferred brushes to fingers... appears to have the same aversion to ink or paint on his skin as his daddy... until i coerced him into letting me paint his hand for handprints... which he surprisingly LOVED. hopefully when its warmer outside he will be more into getting messy!!

make sure the youngest are sleeping so you can have free hands!

snag a nakey shot for the rehearsal dinner {but keep that for your own album!}

let littlest one take all the credit for the artwork he actually slept through.

test out your freshly painted frame with a live subject (a cute one!)

one last thing... put trashbags under your drop cloth.... my paint bled through onto the floor... but was easily washable so that was a plus!

here's to putting the laundry & to-do-lists aside & a charge to have fun & create something new with your little ones today!! it's totally worth it.

*next up... a toddler room tour with grady's wall art hanging on display!

{rainy.daze.}

2012-01-11T10:47:00.002-05:00

C.monster.

2012-01-07T22:00:00.001-05:00

downed one of these babies this morning... surprisingly feeling a bit better than when i woke up--thank you odwalla. i'll be buying more of you. the boys gave me their cold. daddy is a day behind me.

sneak peek of the chair!

here's to it being on the way out & for some fun crafting energy later today.... i hit up michael's & the grocery store all before lunchtime today... alone. it was odd, not taking two boys out of the car... i was traveling light.. constantly wondering what i was forgetting. i found myself standing outside in the parking lot... drinking my breakfast, soaking in the incredible sunshine... almost frozen in the quiet. stillness. sun beating down on me. i literally had to tell my feet to walk inside the store. then proceeded to walk slowly down each aisle, crossing off church supply lists for the kiddos & grabbed a few projects for grady this week too {more on that later!}

it was a refreshing saturday morning... even with a list to accomplish & a runny nose.

i've got some before/after reveals coming your way! one of which is my awesome re-upholstered chair ben finished.... he totally won the $20 thrift gift christmas challenge between us this year!

:::wonder:::

2012-01-05T14:01:00.000-05:00

"i am a hunter of beauty & i move slow & i keep the eyes wide, every fiber of every muscle sensing all wonder & this is the thrill of the hunt & i could be an expert on the life full, the beauty meat that lurks in every moment...i hunger to taste life. God." -a.voskamp.

we have a porch swing that rarely gets used.

i want to use it more.

to soak in LIFE.

i've always wanted a place to hang it since we moved from our house in hickory, loved that back porch! {which by the way... little update on all you who keep thoughtfully asking... its going on the market in a few days... praying for a buyer. asap. or planB will take place. we don't like planB.}

i bring up the porch swing, not only because jude looks precious all sprawled out enjoying some fresh air a few weeks back... but because of this quote from 1,000 gifts by ann voskamp. i've been fumbling through it again this week, getting excited about the possibility of doing a study with a wise woman i know leading it. ;)

& the quote above jumped off the page today.

i do love to hunt beauty. i keep my eyes peeled.

i prefer to move slow.

keep my eyes wide. soak in my surroundings.

sense deeply. WONDER. gaze. breathe.

i so enjoy the thrill of the hunt.

desire to know full life more.

seek depth in every moment.

& i hunger to taste LIFE. aka. God.

i'm going to attempt to have more porch time, even when it doesn't make sense.

& i'm being pulled in a million different directions by my own commitments or to-do-lists. to make time for the One who Created time. to be. still. to listen. to do nothing. at least for a few moments here&there.

a.little.avett.

2012-01-04T15:50:00.000-05:00

wonder if grady&jude will play music together like this oneday as brothers? that would be fun.

today our judah avett has needed his mama's undivided attention...

i haven't accomplished much:::dirty dishes + diapers, many drafted emails unsent for work.
but i got to sing our fav soother song we used on grady into lil babes eyes.. worked like a charm just as it did for G! tear.down.the.house. is a lullaby around here. oh & G likes the dozer in this video.

:::livin the dream:::1

2012-01-03T17:13:00.000-05:00

Join Me {& Martha)

in the "Livin' the Dream" Challenge

Description snagged from Martha's blog on why & how to JOIN IN! {Great idea friend... i like it!}

Have you ever sarcastically answered someone’s question about how your life is going with “LIVIN’ THE DREAM!” Well… I have. I don’t always do resolutions because it usually ends with me binge eating Starbursts and some stale chips I found in the kitchen drawer because “I’ll start over tomorrow.”

I have decided that 2012 will be a year in which I give myself (and you SUCKERS!!) a new challenge each week. Each Monday I’m going to post a “Livin’ the Dream” challenge. I am going to complete it during the week and then fill you in. I’d love it if you’d join me… mainly so I don’t feel like a completeloser. Feel free to leave how you fulfilled your challenge in the comments OR if you have a blog, link up baby!!! That’s right folks, marthametzler.com has officially started a link party. (Is it sad I just made my own techno noises?)

So without further ado, here is Week One Challenge of 2012:

Write out 5 things that you DON’T want to change about yourself. You heard me. New Year’s Day ends up being a day when we make a list of things we’d like to change about ourselves… and swear you’ll never drink again or eat peppermint bark by the fistful. But I know for a fact that you are awesome and if I’m honest, I could spend a bit more time thinking about the things that are valuable about myself instead of just the negativo stuff. We ARE fearfully and wonderfully made after all. Kinda sucks for the Creator if we don’t even acknowlege his good work.

So here are the 5 things I don’t hate about myself:

1. I recognize my NEED for Jesus moment to moment.

2. I think my heart is in the right place in caring for my husband + kids first & foremost.

3. I tend to pick up on the needs & feelings of those around me.

4. I am quite disciplined:::when I want to be.

5. I eat pretty darn healthy. Really missing dairy tho.

And while we’re on a self-encouragement kick,

post a picture that you don’t analyze and critique of yourself!

:::books:::2011-2012.

2012-01-02T08:53:00.001-05:00

photo taken in cambridge on a bookstore display

a local blog i follow is doing a link-up this week on "books read it 2011" ... thenester

i snagged the idea to link from my friend reeve.

i LOVE the photo above i took over thanksgiving visiting some family.
mostly because of it's wit. but entirely because of it's message.
READ INSTEAD.
thats what i plan to do in 2012.
i love to read. i prefer it to many things in life. even tv.
but in 2011 i was pretty tired being pregnant with a toddler, then having a newborn.
(seriously, if i cracked open a book, my eyes closed quickly!)
so... i think this sign was intended for me.
a call back to my books. even to some blogs i have not frequented in a while.
i plan to :::read.instead::: more often in 2012!

*disclaimer: in the past i have always wanted to get the latest books on my shelf when they hit stores. yet, over the last few years i've tended to pull oldies but goodies off my shelf, push away the dust, & see what they have to offer in a new season. its.been.worthwhile.

top 2 books of 2011:::they were so good that they are currently on lend to a few friends!

(((i may/may not have read this at least 5 times)))

*credit goes to michelle mcconnell for leading this book study last spring

hands down {no pun, ha}

most impactful books of 2011:

henri nouwens' with open hands
+

emily freeman's grace for the good girl

*im now re-reading along with 4 of the most precious high school girls i know.

NYE.lovely.

2011-12-31T19:52:00.002-05:00

we are in sweats, undecorating christmas, & watching my annual guilty pleasure... anderson cooper & kathie griffin bantering.

{CHRISTmas}. instagram.mosaics.

2011-12-31T10:17:00.002-05:00

{ok so i just had a ball making these & best part... they took less than 5 minutes to create... a few people have asked where/how to do the mosaics: bighugelabs.com ::: have fun!!}

{CHRISTmas} greensboro.

2011-12-31T09:04:00.002-05:00

gigi & papa wayne gave grady his 1st banjo!
he has had so much fun playing with daddy since we got home...
he even showed his buddy dillon how play yesterday. thanks yall.

jude was happy::::post-nap

gigi helped grady place baby jesus in the handmade manger

{thanks pam!}

& then we sang happy birthday!

slideshow of greensboro.christmas.2011:

introducing jude's new buddy:::: bla-bla "bla" for short.

{you'll be seeing much more of him if he is anything like grady's manuella! }

instant.connection.

slideshow.at.grandmas.2011:

{CHRISTmas}. summerfield.

2011-12-31T08:40:00.001-05:00

nana mic & mac gave grady his first balance bike...
it'll grow with him as he grows. he kinda loves it. thanks yall!

slideshow of summerfield.christmas.2011:

peter.pan.cap.

{made.by.aunt. scottie}

this is my favorite picture of the morning

great grandma bull had her arms full.

jude was ready for a nap...clearly. & on that note... we headed out! :)
fortunately jude sleeps fairly well in the carseat {something he elder bro did not do}, which allowed for him to get a catnap before round2 of christmas morning in greensboro.

{CHRISTmas}. early.morning.

2011-12-31T08:39:00.000-05:00

{CHRISTmas}. eve.

2011-12-31T08:00:00.001-05:00

christmas eve we were entertained by these two

:::gage & grady:::

{CHRISTmas} eve.morning.

2011-12-30T09:21:00.001-05:00

::: jude's 1st christmas :::

bright-eyed

boys in their new hats!

we were lazy. cozy. & had no agenda. bliss.

then around lunchtime we had leftovers & mommy headed over to church for the christmas eve service while daddy finished packing & the boys napped. i missed us all being together, but knew the boys needed good sleep before we tackled the timeline for the next 48hours. & it was well worth it! as i mentioned before, the service was a retreat from the hustle & bustle of life. it was time well spent being still before our Creator.

{CHRISTmas} new.traditions.

2011-12-30T09:12:00.000-05:00

christmas eve-eve, at home.

we stayed home on christmas eve-eve to enjoy a meal together, finish up our crafting + wrapping, & start our new tradition of daddy reading the christmas story from the jesus storybook bible under the tree. it was sweet time together.

grady scribbling on his cards + gift wrapping

after the boys went to bed, we pulled this table into the living room to finish up the wrapping & watch a movie. i imagine this will become a yearly tradition as we get excited over the few special items we will place under the tree for our little guys.

homemade ornaments for our tree

samples of ornaments we made for family

:::to.all.who.feel.unworthy:::

2011-12-29T13:54:00.002-05:00

first of all... this band is incredible. to hear why i think so... listen to the description of how they formed in 2009 & their hearts here

second... don't we all feel "poor & powerless" at various times of our day, week, year?
if you just heard "yes" in your heart.... this post is for me & you & everyone else who tends to feel unworthy.

before i begin to post pictures from our christmas this year... i must share a few thoughts that have been heavy on my heart over the holidays, so here we go:

our church had a beautiful service on christmas eve.
really it was. just that. beautiful. simple. focused on Jesus.
the reason.for.the.season.

it caused me to pause... in the midst of packing for greensboro, making sure the last gifts were made, wrapped, & cards scribbled on by grady. i was given the privilege {which i tried to give away a few times to someone more qualified!} to give a kids message in the round circle midway through the service. watching those kids... connecting with their hearts while looking into their eyes, listening to chuckles from adults in crowd, & listening to them share {in their lil language} about how Jesus was born in a dirty manger where animals eat ... i was blown away, yet again.

LOVE CAME DOWN. really it did. He did. God sent His son... so that even when we feel unworthy... we are not alone. He came for us to be made right. the book i read said: "Jesus came from God. Jesus came to grow up & take away people's badness. Yours, too. And that's Good News." That's been echoing in my head since I read it aloud last Christmas eve to precious little ones.

to take away people's badness. {i didn't like that phrase at first... i even tried to replace the word badness because i thought it sounded odd} but in reality... it's the best word there is. our badness. our hearts of sin & shame. our inability to accept grace. our doubts. the lies we believe. all which leads to us feeling unworthy. it comes up in most every conversation i have with friends. family. strangers.

this song was written for those who feel unworthy. if we are honest... we all do at some point or another. don't we?

if you are a parent trying to balance life with work, others, & kids 24/7, a single person striving to find His calling in your life, a burnt out career person whose exhausted from years of hard work, a high schooler just trying to get it all done while still enjoying being a kid, if you are in grad school spending hours pouring yourself into something you love or once loved, if you are a married couple stuck in a rut, if you are someone who doubts our Creator wants to know you personally, if you don't fall into any of these random categories & if you feel unworthy period... this song is for you. & me. He came down for us.

All the poor and powerless
And all the lost and lonely 
All the thieves will come confess
And know that you are holy 
Will know that you are holy 

All will sing out, Hallelujah 
We will cry out, Hallelujah 

All the hearts who are content 
And all who feel unworthy 
All who hurt will nothing left 
Will know that you are holy 

Shout it, go on and scream it from the mountains 
Go on and tell it to the masses 
That He is God

a dear new friend in town recently pointed me to Jesus by asking me when i last journaled. like really journaled. for me. & i said sometime last spring. she challenged me to go be with Jesus & write. & that's what i've finally been doing in the past few weeks. it's been incredible. i'm seeing my mess so clearly. i'm seeing His goodness all over it. i'm seeing His hand in the midst of brokenness.

i love how He drops music, books, in my lap... just when i need them the most.
right now... it's this album::: brokeness aside::: by: all sons&daughters.

the lyrics from album title song sums up our Hope:

will your grace run out
if i let you down
cause all i know
is how to run

cause i am a sinner
if its not one thing its another
caught up in words
tangled in lies

but you are a savior
and you take brokenness aside
and make it beautiful

well you call me child
when i tell you lies
cause all i know
is how to cry

:::light.in.chaos:::

2011-12-27T10:41:00.000-05:00

we just had what's expected to be & was indeed the whirlwind of traveling with two little ones for CHRISTmas ... it was a bit chaotic. however... there was a lot of light in the midst of it all....

for now... G is doing a lil of this while lil bro & daddy nap:

watching his two loves on one screen:

olivia+thomas

while i do laundry & organize & de-christmasify the house {is that what ya called it CH?}

i'm sure there will be lots of blogging in between of jude's 1st christmas in photo :)

{CHRISTmas}.loves.

2011-12-22T18:15:00.001-05:00

{CHRISTmas}.born.is.the.King.

2011-12-22T10:58:00.003-05:00

crafting + listening to this favorite of christmas tune of 2011 with my lil guys!!!

grady quotes today:

"it's christmas!!!! christmas is jesus."

"its a banjooooooo me & dadddy love"

"we need listen this for a lil while until the snow comes down real soon"
{sorry man, its 70degrees out!}

{CHRISTmas}.jesse.tree.

2011-12-21T19:33:00.001-05:00

tonight we played catch up with our jesse tree...

last christmas i found the ann voskamp advent devotional here called :::the jesse tree:::

this year we brought it all out again, but were not as regular reading & hanging the ornament together each night sadly... imagine dinner, bath, bedtime routine with two plus adding this... it's maybe happened 5 times this season! but my goal is to do the next 3 nights in a row leading up to Christmas morning as a family. this may mean doing it at 5pm before all the fussy evening ruckus begins... grady really seems to be grasping the Christmas Story more this year! it's precious & our prayer is that he'll absorb more&more as we continue to show & tell him the Gospel in little ways over time.

tonight after reading our nightly books, i told him we were going to tell a story together... so i then asked him simple things like this:

whose birthday do we celebrate on Christmas Sunday? baby jesus (((he smiled)))

what are his mommy & daddy's names? mary & josephy

what did they ride? a horsey kinda like donkey

where was baby jesus born? in a stable, with animalsssssss

then i proceeded to tell him why it's a big deal... how God gifted us with His only Son. so that we could be close to Him & love Him & one day enjoy heaven with Him. we talked about how thats such GOOD NEWS. & how thats what Christmas is about.

i love this age... the innocence. he really has no idea whats going to be coming his way this weekend... being around a ton of family we haven't seen in a while. the food. the gifts. he is still kinda at that "oblivious to christmas" stage... santa is not in his understanding yet. {we haven't really brought up that jolly ol guy just yet... more great thoughts on that here} but i'm happy he knows the true meaning behind it all in his toddler mind at least. i hope he'll love the gifts from grandparents & family. but what i hope more than anything is that he'll stay focused over the years on the true reason. jesus. we all know its not about the gifts. it's about the birth of this baby boy who changed our lives as He entered our world.

Isaiah 11

The Branch From Jesse

¹ A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
   from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
² The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him—
   the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
   the Spirit of counsel and of might,
   the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the LORD—
³ and he will delight in the fear of the LORD....
¹⁰ In that day the Root of Jesse will stand as a banner for the peoples; the nations will rally to him, and his resting place will be glorious. ¹¹ In that day the Lord will reach out his hand a second time to reclaim the surviving remnant of his people...

:::early.risers:::

2011-12-21T08:59:00.000-05:00

early morning with the boys... they must both be excited scottie & marshall are flying in today!

{J.4.months.}

2011-12-19T10:07:00.002-05:00

well, jude... you are now officially 4.months.old.

stats: 17lbs.13oz. (90%) & 25.5 inches long (75%)
(exactly 1/2 of grady's size whose 34lbs!}

you are growing more smiley everyday... you kinda light up when we make eye contact with you & even more when we smile back & make silly faces in your direction... you are laid back & happy unless you are hungry or over-stimulated...

allergies:
you are always content after nursing, especially as i abide by my strict diet of no gluten & dairy. i've been given the go ahead to phase back in eggs. citrus. then peanut butter. to see how you respond to each of those. your face gets bumpy & red with those three... but digestion + congestion is not anywhere as rough as the gluten & dairy. would really love to gain back my OJ, oranges, tomatoes, pb, & eggs! praying you will like them... then maybe by your 1st birthday we can try gluten & dairy again the dr. says!! you are more aware of your surroundings now which makes nursing & sleeping on the go a lil more tricky... trying to salvage the rest of the time we have before you need the quiet of your room to catch some zzzzzzz's...

teething?
even though you are gnawing on yours hands & fingers + drooling like a faucet as if you are cutting all your teeth at one time... you seem to have some more time for those first teeth to poke through... they are not emerging just yet... so we'll keep sophie the giraffe handy... she is your favorite. you grasp her tightly & bring her up to your gums like it's no big deal. i'm impressed each time of course! you just seem so young to be holding things already to me...

mr. mover:
you are mr. wiggly right now. you like to arch your back when sitting in my lap, you roll all over the place, you turn from vertical to horizontal when you sleep, you roll over every now & then, you lift your head & legs high when laying on your belly now, you move nonstop.... until you get tired...

sleep:
you are mr.clockwork... you need your 12 hours or so of sleep a night... we are getting to a 7pm-7am routine... with an early morning nursing session around 5am. dr.K says we could eliminate that soon if you'll go back to sleep... i have a feeling we will keep it up for a bit longer... mostly because you don't feel like a newborn any more if you sleep ALL NIGHT. ;) your naps are forming... you can only last about 1.5-2 hours max before you are ready for sleep. so by 8:45 we are heading up for you to nap in your crib... you'll sleep from 9-11ish... then we play...nurse...play. by 12:30ish you are ready for nap#2. this is still forming... sometimes you'll nap for 45 min... then play happy, then fall back asleep. sometimes you are done after 45min. so 2 hours from when you wake up you are ready to go down again for nap#3... then you'll do a mini nap somedays before dinner... then in bed by 7ish for the night! *key is always hitting that tired window before your eyes get pink, watery, or you start rubbing them. {your bro was the same way!}

sounds:
i feel like you've been chatting with me from early on! you have a deep giggle & are really ticklish around your neck, back, & on your sides. you coo & mimic sounds so loudly & clearly! today even in the dr. office you were so loud your daddy commented, now thats loud... because we know how loud he is! you say: oooooooaaaaauhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh & vary the inflections. it makes anyone around laugh. your eyes & eyebrows & mouth are very expressive as you do this. it's pretty precious. can't wait to hear mama & dada in the coming months!

you are healthy, growing, & thriving! we love you so much our little judah avett.

{note:::you may remember my adventurous 1st appointment with both boys alone... lesson learned, always bring a backup when possible. today daddy was with us & jude had a blowout all over everywhere... glad you were there ben, whew, that was fun to clean up without wrangling G! much smoother with a 1:1 adult, child ratio}

{CHRISTmas}.e-card.

2011-12-17T21:49:00.000-05:00

{photos by the uber talented dana andreasson of orange.cat.photo. when jude was a few weeks old}

{CHRISTmas}.reason.to.sing.

2011-12-16T08:24:00.002-05:00

we do, indeed, have a reason to sing.... because a little baby was born in a barn.

& he stepped into our mess... to bring light into darkness. to inhabit this world. to show us love & compassion. to give us grace when we don't deserve it. to model life reflecting our Creator. to make things right again... as they were intended in Eden. we celebrate this on Christmas. our longings are met in Him. utterly & completely. He is the reason to sing.

i was just talking with a dear friend today about how it's ironic that we feel the closest to our Creator when things in life are the hardest... like in the song where it talks about how we need a "reason to sing"...

over the past few days ben & i were able to spend some quality, yet silent, time simply standing together worshiping with other yl staff from our region & hearing the prayers/heart/fears/joys of people who we know well & some who we are just meeting... in each conversation i heard a mixture of hardship coupled with incredibly awesome things taking place. i found myself speaking the same... good things in our life right now & thorns that just won't go away...

-houses not selling
-areas in deficit
-cancer in young people & old
- tackling ministry with young kids
-relatives who are hurting
-high school kids & leaders who are struggling
-ministry ups&downs
-stress in marriages
-loneliness
- & the like

& yet i found myself constantly coming back to this....
i have a reason.to.sing. we.all.have.a.reason.to.sing.
we all were singing. praising Jesus who provides peace in the midst of it all...

we sang prince of peace {an oldie but a goodie} & i really believe He is. He brings peace when it doesn't make sense to have any. He brings perspective when we are blinded by our circumstances. He offers JOY when it doesn't come naturally.

i enjoyed standing beside you, ben.
& being reminded of all this.

:::growing.up:::

2011-12-14T15:29:00.000-05:00

the "babies" from our small group in hickory are growing up!

grady met olivia {holding jude above} when they were about 4-5 months old, it's hard to believe they'll both be 3 years old in feb & march, just a few months away! they still light up then they see each other.... grady may be jealous of this picture of his lady holding his little bro. last week we met up at discovery kids... worth the membership if you live nearby... g discovers something new everytime. this time it was the flowers!

big boy

dana + jude & hayden + his mommy

james, the cute red head, {below} & is almost 2 now... he was in brie's tummy when we 1st met the prose's & we first met him in the hospital!

& now they have added little hayden {below} who is a few weeks older than jude!

::::not pictured: alicia {who was bravely chasing around her two cuties luke&logan at 7 months pregnant... girl, i don't know how you do it!} & kelly/AK who we missed BIG TIME who we also met in the hospital almost 2 years ago!!! time flies!

kt & liam, ya gotta come next time around too! i need to squeeze you both!

we are so glad we don't live too far from each other & can meet up to continue to watch our kiddos grow up way faster than any of us want or expected :)

good times. good friends.

:::lay.my.burdens.down:::

2011-12-13T09:42:00.001-05:00

<p>&amp;amp;lt;a href="http://ryanlong.bandcamp.com/track/lay-my-burdens-down-with-ellie-holcomb"&amp;amp;gt;Lay My Burdens Down - with Ellie Holcomb by Ryan Long&amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;gt;</p>

{click album cover for full song + more!}

Lay My Burdens Down
Ryan Long Music © 2009

Amazing love how can it be
That you my God would die for me
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
I come and lay my burdens down

Amazing sight no longer blind
You touched my eyes new hope I find
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
I come and lay my burdens down

Amazing joy I happy shout
You took my dark and cast it out
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
I come and lay my burdens down

Amazing life forget the grave
Jesus has died my soul to save
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
I come and lay my burdens down

Amazing help no more alone
New family new heavenly home
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
I come and lay my burdens down

Amazing love how can it be
That you my God would die for me
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
I come and lay my burdens down

credits

from Arise, released 21 September 2010
Background Vocals: Ellie Holcomb

{CHRISTmas}.LKNyounglife.

2011-12-12T09:46:00.000-05:00

this weekend we had a bunch of younglife fun at the Leader/Committee Christmas Party & Hough High School's Christmas Club!

we sang songs. laughed. hugged. shared. ate. & simply enjoyed recapping the past year! i also got to meet all the new leaders who were just placed & got to put names with faces. an explosion of JOY & EXCITEMENT was felt in seeing leadership grow & hearing the stories from leaders about all God is doing around here!

i've been missing the day-to-day of the younglife scene this fall & it was such a blessing to get to take a peek inside this weekend & enjoy soaking it in with ben. these leaders lay down their lives everyday to love on their high school friends. i'm so happy i get to watch. & honestly a little sad too to be on the fringe in this season with young kiddos. we had a fun time spontaneously surprising daddy for the last hough club of 2011 & may just have to sneak in for songs/skits more often!

WOW, God is so good... I just looked up my favorite verses regarding YL & had never noticed part.1 of it until now... wow, perfectly applies:
Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well. I Thes. 1:7-8

to you amazing YL leaders new&old: it really is an honor to be on the front row as a leader. to see each seed planted. each conversation had. each tear & smile that emerges. soak it in yall. keep loving them & each other. it matters. a lot. we love each of you & hope your break is full of rest & we'll welcome you back in january! until then... have fun at home with family&friends!

christmasy tunes.

ben's photoshop fun.

OG&Sierra

Feed Me... enjoying the Christmas Carols

after surprising daddy at club

lauren&jude

natalie, margaret holt, flowers, colin, doll, kenzie, haley, richard&em

ENJOY! hahahaha.

:::o.christmas.tree:::pt.2

2011-12-08T13:38:00.001-05:00

our tree is up... & jude's first advent & christmas season has begun!

:::o.christmas.tree:::pt.1.

2011-12-07T13:30:00.001-05:00

the decorating is almost complete... pictures will be up later today!

:::to the tune of a lil john denver rocky mt. christmas:::

::chicfila:::

2011-12-06T11:24:00.001-05:00

everyone has a story... way to go chicfila... for taking the time to love on us all when we enter your stores... & for pointing out that we should all consider this:

"be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle"
T.H. Thompson and John Watson

{if you listen to the sermon from sunday in my last post...

this was played during the music part of the recording...}

this video brought back many great memories of our own times at chicfila... all the campouts we did in college to be part of the "1st 100" to get 52 free coupons for the year... & each time we enter the door or drivethru & receive that "my pleasure" with a smile... we love you chicfila... & crave you on sundays. its true.

also, thanks to the elderly woman working at our local chicfila last week who helped this mama order & get seated & loved on my boys while we attempted a meal inside, so g could play vs. go through the drivethru.. which is usually the most convenient for me... but doesn't get smiles like this from gooberbean... loving playing in the "plane" inside "chiiiiiiifiaaaaaa".

jude slept most of the lunch. which made it much easier to wrangle g while eating!

so thankful for the mission of chicfila & thanks to everyone i know thats been connected to various stores across the u.s.a. {past or present}:

jen lewis
sharon kiser
doug jones
dave taplin
mike sheley
hollins worsley
chad sheley
mary kincaid rouse
etc.

yall are part of something real special.
jude agrees...

date.with.my.lil.guys.

2011-12-04T19:55:00.001-05:00

i think i'm going to start calling the weekends while ben is away for younglife when we can't go... a lengthy "date" with my little guys... where we wear YL t-shirts & pray for them all at camp each moment we think to. supporting them from afar. & look forward to upcoming trips when we can all go as a family!

most things in life are shaped by our perspective, or attitude, on the matter.
a self-fulfilling prophesy if you will. & it does not come naturally always to be positive.
so, i must lean again into the One who provides those fruits of the spirit that i don't have.

so... this weekend i entered the man-i'm-torn-&-wish-we-all-could-be-going-to-windy-gap-but-know-we-need-to-be-here-for-a-multitude-of-reasons with a different mindset. intentionally deciding that i would not be crabby, but excited to have a special christmasey date weekend with the two little men in my life. afterall, we had every festivity at christmas in davidson that you can imagine within walking distance which meant no.car.seats. just the stroller. bundles of clothes. & lots of spirited, joyful, fun. yay.

friday afternoon, my friend jen came over with her little guy nolan. he is the sweetest, chestnut brown haired one year old cutie in town. my boys love the jentz. grady crawls all over travis during church on sunday mornings & likes to dance&sing for jen. he attempts to steal toys from nolan since he is older, but we keep him in check for that & many hugs follow. here is a quite a fun chair full in my opinion...

we chose to stay in as grady was cutting molars & began to melt big time when i was otherwise hoping to hit up downtown again to hear reeve&matt play some christmas tunes at sanctuary of davidson & hear jilli sing in my fav lil while chapel. but, sometimes ya just gotta know your limits... this was a good choice. it was early to bed that night for us all!

saturday morning we got packed up early (before i decided against the excursion we had to go on to run errands) & went to target for a kids ministry supplies run & some necessities... detergents, tp, wipes... ya know typical gotta wipe bottoms & do a lot of laundry today practical items. i may or may not have picked up a few christmas gifts i was not planning on buying... but they were on sale & cute for the boys! we hit up the drivethru bigbitz... yes it ends in a z & is attached to a gas station... but pretty good greek food {no pita delight, around here!}. & did i mention its a drivethru?! we got gas while we were there & got a free carwash... so the boys LOVED experiencing that from inside the car. nice date morning. with a few mishaps & tears... we made it home by 11am before they shut down the streets in town for the christmas parade! you may remember last years post when we watched from inside, while i was in the early weeks of pregnancy with jude, & it was the first snow! 2010 parade here , but this year we made it outside & ended up in the heart of downtown! we got to hang out with the worsleys & sharps... dear neighbors & families from church whose small group we joined & feel so thankful to get to learn from those who have gone before us in various seasons of life. grady especially enjoyed time with dillon cheering for all the trucks, buses, cars while eating pb crackers of course! it's one LONG parade, so naptime began a lil late & we all 3 passed out for 3 hours & woke up when it was getting dark out... wow!

hollins holding jude, sammi with G, & dillon with his daddy

jude cozy with mama:::want.to.freeze.time.

after we woke up, the ups man brought this...from some dear friends on YL committee in raleigh... the most beautiful illustrated bible story books for the boys.. thank you morisey's, we miss yall & are so encouraged by your faithful love&support!

we then packed up for the final night stroll of christmas fun in town to meet up with becky & christie who both did YL here in lake norman & now live in winston salem. we grabbed some burgers... bun-less for me... i indulged in the cheese tho & won't be doing that again... sorry jude. bad mommy. but it was indeed worth the wait & was yummy. g started melting soon after we got our burger, we patiently waited for... so after many deep breaths on my part during our walk home, we made it. ate. & the boys went to bed. while i worked & did some online etsy/pinteresting.

this morning we headed to church, sierra strolled g over for his highlight of the week with friends in his "class", & i was blessed to attend the 1st service, worship, & hear holly w. speak. always a JOY. always a good reminder to see a mom/wife who can be real. honest. juggle 4 kids. & share Jesus creatively & beautifully. so.thankful. the series is exchanging christmas & she spoke on giving more. not settling for a copy... but the real thing.

it's up here::: listen to her here

ben came home a few hours ago & proceeded to pass out on the couch after dinner.

pray for rest for him as he is spent.after a wonderful weekend at windy gap loving on some of his dearest friends. excited to decorate for christmas tomorrow! its about time.

oh & listen to this:::: COME all YE PINING.

-discovered it last year & its once again top of itunes christmas playlist.

lord we adore thy boundless grace
the heights & depths unknown
of pardon life & joy & peace
and thy beloved son
come all ye pining
hungry, poor
the savior's bounty taste

goodnite*

:::go.page:::

2011-12-03T23:15:00.001-05:00

a little red tonight for my alma mater, walter hines page high school, winning the state championship over garner.

go pirates. go.

jude.laughs.

2011-12-02T15:56:00.001-05:00

we have officially bypassed the infant/newborn stage with jude. he is in my mind now a baby boy. he has been cracking up & acting ticklish around his neck when i put on his clothes this week, but is too clever for his own good & stops as soon as i break out the camera. here is a tiny glimpse into what we've been seeing around here this week. love.this.boy.&.his.goober.laughs. 3.5 months is such an explosion of personality! grady gets the best laughs out of him!!

{CHRISTmas}in.Davidson.

2011-12-01T21:45:00.001-05:00

tonight was the first of 3 nights where Davidson turns into starshollow from gilmore girls with christmas flare! i kinda love it. the parade is saturday & im sure we will bundle up & walk over. let the festivities, crafting, & decorating begin! favorite part... the live nativity & peeking into the white chapel while various groups sing like angels aka jilli main tomorrow nite!

{CHRISTmas}.Tunes.

2011-12-01T12:26:00.001-05:00

:::thankful30:::instagram.

2011-11-30T07:49:00.001-05:00

i'm thankful for instagram.

if you haven't noticed i like to use it a lot ;)

oh & it's free & quick way to make shots from the phone snazzy.

here's my instagrid if you want to follow: http://instagrid.me/hazelhive/

:::thankful29:::IOHinNYC.

2011-11-29T08:56:00.001-05:00

i just finished my 2nd retreat counseling the teens for IOH, this time in NYC.

here is a picture of a few families posing in Times Square!

this time the retreat was a little more comfortable for me. comfortable in the sense that my whole family was with me. i had led all the sessions before this summer in florida & even tweaked the playbook to fit the needs of the older kids which gave me more confidence in each session. i knew most of the volunteers this time around & what would come next for the most part, at least what was on paper.

yet, somehow it still required me to constantly lean into Jesus. hmmm.... maybe it's because there is no way to know what to say to someone when they ask: why?

why does my mom or dad have a terminal illness?

why would God allow all this pain in our family?

why me?

all i can do is listen. be there. offer hope.

unlike many of the volunteers, i have not lost a parent to cancer or a terminal illness.

but i do know the sting of death of those i've loved.

i live in this world, just like you, & know that its not what it was intended to be.

& how do we respond? we must find the good, in the midst of the bad.

the bible says that our Creator always brings light into the darkness.

i saw this first hand once again on this past IOH retreat. i saw these families struggling, yet thriving. crying while joyful. i heard a middle school girl say her main feelings are: thankful & worried. i talked with a mom who was making plans for her young kids after she passes. i watched volunteers share their stories & express the reality of missing their parent, paired with a resiliency that enables them to serve others in their shoes. i heard a lot of laughter & saw many smiles&tears. heavy. stuff.

i'm so looking forward to more opportunities to serve in this ministry.

i have a whole list of people in my mind who i want to bring to serve on these retreats over the years who have lost a parent. or sibling. & can speak from experience to these teens & families of the HOPE they have found in Jesus, a hope that offers heaven beyond this earth.

IOH 2011 video recap here:
http://inheritanceofhope.org/legacy-community/videos/video/101-2011-nyc-legacy-retreat-highlight-slideshow.html?groupid=52

:::thankful28:::J.3.months.

2011-11-28T13:00:00.001-05:00

jude, our littlest goober, you are now over 3 months old! it kinda makes me laugh you look bigger in your 2 month picture up there, but i think it's because your legs are scrunched up. you've grown in length quite a bit in the last few months... your onesies are starting to get that stretched neck look & hard to snap over your cloth bottom (or booty as G calls it!).

how are you already smiling, cooing, grinning, making us all laugh??

you flipped over from your belly to back a few weeks ago.
you have loved mommy going off gluten & dairy... it's made you even more at ease.
you had your first plane ride, train ride, subway ride, taxi ride all in your 3rd month.
you are in the early stages of teething, gnawing on that little hand of yours.
you are drooling like salem watching me cook.
you are reaching for objects & love to grip my hair.
you recognize me, your daddy, & brother very obviously.
you sleep like a pro. (nursing montly once a night from 7pm-7am...thank you!)
you nap every 1-2 hours after intense playtime soaking in your surroundings.
you just met mr.hugbug & seem to have hit it off with him as your new playmate.
you are starting to get more into books & like to listen to music.
you have very squeezy cheeks & light blue eyes still.
you & your brother look very similar in his baby pictures at this age.
you are wearing 6-12 month clothes already.
you have fast growing fingernails.
you tend to cry when tired or hungry...mostly laid back & content.
you do not like your carseat which you've almost outgrown. + the swing!
you love to snuggle close when we sleep.
you nurse every 2.5-3 hours throughout the day.
you are deeply loved by your mommy, daddy, brother, & many others!

:::thankful27:::family.

2011-11-27T17:52:00.001-05:00

:::thankful26:::homesweethome.

2011-11-27T14:10:00.001-05:00

we are so thankful to be homesweethome after a fun week of traveling with our little ones! our final travel day flying home from boston was one for the babybook.... omy, here is g... passed out on the plane after & before doubledose cry fests by both boys!!!

note:::this was the 1st time he has randomly fallen asleep anywhere since he was a baby!

:::thankful25:::a.decade.with.ben.

2011-11-25T07:47:00.001-05:00

we have officially been dating since our first date in highschool on nov 24, 2001. i'm so thankful for a decade of this man in my life!!!

:::thankful24:::thanksgiving.in.boston.

2011-11-24T13:08:00.001-05:00

:::thankful23:::the.train.

2011-11-23T16:24:00.001-05:00

grady is loooovinnnng our train ride to boston! we both just keep cracking up at how excited he is... & are so thankful for the amtrak lady who helped us bypass all the chaotic seat

:::thankful22:::sleep.

2011-11-22T16:24:00.001-05:00

we made a makeshift tent so grady would sleep. day1 was rough, but day2 he slept like a pro. what.a.difference.sleep.makes.for.him. thankful we all were able to get 12+ hrs last night. haha!!

:::thankful21:::a.familiar.face.

2011-11-21T21:32:00.001-05:00

i was thankful today to see a familiar face when caroline came by to visit...

:::thankful20:::we.made.it.

2011-11-20T21:18:00.001-05:00

:::thankful19:::cheeeese.

2011-11-19T15:35:00.001-05:00

i'm thankful for videos like this... that make me want cheese less. ha.

i reintroduced dairy this week after being off it for 2 months... i got to enjoy gluten free pizza, lasagna, a few creme filled cookies {or a whole pack!}, & even my favorite havarti cheese. however, looks like this was my last dairy stint for a while. jude's acne is back in full force, a little congestion {not nearly as much tho that comes with gluten}, & some gas pains that wake him up & make him generally more fussy than when i don't eat it. oh & the poops... omythepoops. ick. i also did not enjoy the feeling of ingesting the dairy again. we are stocked on GF/dairy free snacks for traveling & will do the best i can while gone without being able to cook myself.

i'm finally reaching a place of peace, living without cheese :)

:::thankful18:::good.reads.

2011-11-18T08:46:00.001-05:00

in the free moments... i try to pick up this... to slowly soak in each word.

which reminds me to be thankful in each moment. the mundane. & the rare.

:::thankful17:::our.thorn.

2011-11-17T13:48:00.001-05:00

:::thankful17:::our.thorn.

notice new-walker grady in 2010 in front of the porch :)

ok i don't really want to be thankful for this... but i'm trying to be..."thankful" for our thorn in our side, which is otherwise known as our house in hickory. yep, thats right... it's up for rent again. we are in the process of hunting for new renters... long story short...our tenants are moving out.

it's probably the worst decision we've ever made... to buy a house. of course we had no idea the economy would crash a year after the purchase, or that we would live in that town much shorter than we planned, or that we would have such a difficult time selling it, & finding loyal renters from year to year.... but, we own it & don't live there. therefore it has become our thorn. but... as painful as it is to say:::it's become something completely beyond us, out of our control, that we must give away daily in our souls to our Creator. something that always drives us back to Him. we must trust that He has us. He has the best for us in mind. & that oneday this burden will be lifted.

paul speaks about the 'thorn in His flesh' in 1.corinthians.12 where he pleads for God to take it away. but, here is God's response:

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

&

i relate to this:

"Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered." Romans 8:26

we don't really have a "go to plan" for this... will you join us in praying for wisdom, direction, & His will in this process. especially for us to enjoy our trip, mail out the eviction letter before we go & with that {unless something better happens before we leave!}, & that we'll be able to put this on hold in our hearts, realizing there is nothing we can do while we are out of town, other than let time pass, trust in His protection & provision, & be at peace in the process?

it's a mystery WHY this is part of His plan right now... but this song is reminding me Who brings sanity... thank you vintage21 via madeline... its been on replay for months now on my itunes:

:::thankful16:::whitespace.

2011-11-16T13:18:00.001-05:00

i'm thankful for whitespace, or margin, that exists. it allows me to have moments to look up at the trees. breathe deep. & relish in all thats GOOD.

it's a little ironic that i'm writing about whitespace in this season of life because it doesn't seem like we have a lot. however, we do fight to have a little & those are the moments when i feel God the most. times i force myself to slow down. block out distractions. put the book down. turn off the music even. silence my phone. & simply BE. a friend says: "we must fight for simple". it is a fight, isn't it?! in this culture & face paced world in which we live. i'm getting us ready, prepared, & packed for what is going to be an adventurous week of nonstop survival in many ways with tiny kiddos. we'll be riding everything that "goes" from planes, to trains, to subways, to cabs in the next week {& grady is going to be in HEAVEN on each leg of traveling}... however, we are going to have to fight for simple.peace.perspective. in the midst of it all. i can already feel myself getting anxious over the details & making sure we've got all we need & that we are on time & that we are safe. that's what happens when we leave the comfort zone of our house & town & state. we are homebodies. we love to be home in this little family. so this will be an adventure to say the least! but so many great things will come from taking a step out, walking out on the limb of traveling to big cities as a family. we are tired of feeling like we are always going in opposite directions lately & are so blessed this has worked out to go together. i'm excited for ben to experience a little more of IOH. can't wait to see the daily life of scottie & marshall in cambridge & celebrate thanksgiving in a new place. catch glimpses of life in NYC & connect with two sweet friends who live in the city. do something new & have fresh scenery from our routine days at home. yet, it will be a moment to moment battle, we will have to find the margin, the white space, the stillness in the chaos. my only hope in this is Jesus. i'll be leaning into Him the whole way. or deep in my soul i will not rest. i must carve out time to be in His word. hear His truth. be reminded of His goodness. breathe in His love & compassion. & breathe out all of the rest of me that remains that is not honoring to Him. how do you find whitespace in your days? in your travel? in your life?

a wise friend wrote to me this morning: "prepare like mad, then go with the flow, take a lot of deep breaths, & have a BALL!"

circumstances & experiences always seem to point to something larger & deeper... we can't get caught up in the details... but must look at the big picture, soak it in, & enjoy! here we go!!! now back to packing.... then enjoying a few planned FUN things before we head out!

:::thankful15:::diane.

2011-11-15T20:21:00.001-05:00

:::thankful15:::diane.

diane on left, my mom on right.

last year at thanksgiving:::cuddles with great aunt diane

happy birthday to you diane!

so thankful for you & your sincere heart.

hope you enjoyed the beautiful weather today.

:::thankful14:::bittersweet.memories.

2011-11-15T17:17:00.001-05:00

:::thankful14:::bittersweet.memories.

yesterday was full of bittersweet memories.

{sisters picture above}

grandma's funeral was beautiful & dad did a great job with all the details.

there were butterflies in her roses. seagulls on her casket. it was in the 70's & breezy, just like the beach she loved. june, my dads cousin, {pictured below} spoke at the graveside service on the hill & made us all laugh & cry. it was wonderful to see all of our family in virginia & to enjoy a meal together afterwards, even in the midst of grandmas passing. it was also june's birthday, so we got to celebrate her together too. the driving was long with a babe, but it was so worth being there to create these bittersweet memories. isn't it incredible how impacting births, deaths, weddings, funerals, & hard times are? how much they draw us together? its a beautiful thing.

:::thankful13:::gmaB.

2011-11-13T19:35:00.001-05:00

:::thankful13:::gmaB.

grandma, in the middle, with 2 of her sisters at the peaks of otter... posing like charlies angels for me about 10 years ago! it's on my fridge & i laugh out loud almost everytime i see it.

my sweet grandma, my dad's mom, passed away yesterday. she was 91 years old & as sweet&sassy as they come! she lived in virginia where my dad grew up, so jude&i&madeline are headed up tomorrow for the funeral & to see family. i have so many memories of grandma, from her denim matching outfits + keds with her sisters {pictured above!} to her love for butterflies, & thimbles. she made the most amazing pound cakes... she would even make me a special one for my birthday for many years, kid sized! it made me feel so special. she would pat my hands & leg & look at me with such love. she cried every time we left to go home. i have some old furniture from her house & everytime i open the drawers it smells like her house. love how the scent takes me right back to when we would go up & visit & sit on her crushed velvet vintage couch. i used to stare at this painting of 2 women. it had soothing green & teal colors & was hung above the couch. one was on the spiral staircase with a book in hand i think & the other was playing the piano. it reminds me of "pride & prejudice". gma & her sisters were something special. she was the last of 5. now she is with her sweet husband, baxter, whom i never met. miss her already.

grady & gma

my sister laurie & gma at her 90th

all of us...

the guys + gma

:::thankful12:::BEN.

2011-11-12T12:25:00.001-05:00

i love the man in all these pictures...

the way he makes us laugh & thinks outside the box.

the way he hugs&loves us.

the goofy dinner table times we share.

how he rides a horse with his feet almost dragging the ground.

his love for cooking & teaching along the way.

his willingness to pose for pictures for me on a firetruck.

the odd things he hangs in our home.... mullets.

the effort he makes to stop by the park after a busy day at work to cuddle.

there are a million little sentences like this that pop into my head with each memory & experience we've had together... from when we started dating almost a decade ago, to when we got engaged on his 21st birthday 6 years ago, to when we got married 5.5years ago, to when we bought our 1st house, got our 1st dog, had 2 baby boys, & moved multiple times since we met.

in all these transitions & big life events i've always felt "at home" with you. even when things in our life are unsettled, chaotic, unpredictable, & we don't know the next step, or when life is just plain hard for a season... you always know how to help me regain perspective & & laugh & lean into Jesus. you are a lover of people. a husband who cares for me so well. & a father whose raising two boys who adore you. you are the life of the party. you have patience like no other. & you make this family work. you keep us going. i'm so thankful that you were born & the the Lord has allowed me to be your wife. it's true. i mean it. i hope you feel it. here's to many more years of this. messy.real.full.life.together. i love you.

:::thankful11:::blue.eyes.

2011-11-11T22:07:00.001-05:00

::thankful11:::blue.eyes.

here'e to hoping jude's eyes stay blue, just like his daddy's.

:::thankful10:::integrative.medicine.

2011-11-10T17:53:00.001-05:00

:::thankful10:::integrative.medicine.

basically, integrative medicine is: when symptoms present themselves, the doctor has the holistic perspective to explore other options related to lifestyle changes in diet/exercise/environment/mental health before rushing to meds, but a deep respect for meds when truly needed. dr.K is very knowledgable about alternatives that have great research to back them up. & i'm so thankful we found her when we moved to town! so.very.thankful. for more on integrative med click here: dukeintmed

for us, this philosophy has meant no mention of drugs to treat the symptoms, but a focus on discovering the root cause of the symptoms first. i'm a fan of that. bigtime. why treat the symptom with a med that could cause more side effects, when you could just change your lifestyle & fix it more naturally that way? at least thats my take on it. but to each his own, especially on this topic!

the gluten free aisle at our grocery store

{thankFULL for this for when craving a carby GF indulgence}

gluten free... really?

this post has been a few weeks in the making & it's bittersweet to finally have an answer to all the symptoms which seemed minor initially, but all put together, have created one big lifestyle change for this mama.... yep, it's official... i'm now dairy & gluten free. going on 2 months dairy free & entering week3 of no gluten. you may remember my post from jude's 2 month appointment where all chaos broke loose when i attempted to take both boys to the doctor at the same time... dr.appt.x2 when jude's congestion from birth reached an all time high & dr.K mentioned the dreaded phrase: "gluten-free". now this was not the first time she brought up going gluten free for our family. she has suggested it with grady & even ben {more on that in another post}. but i only started limiting cheese/yogurt for g over the past few months, not gluten...seemed too daunting. {still does!} g has never tolerated drinking cow's milk & has been on almond milk since he turned 1 & had awful digestive responses to his first cups of milk. ok so back to the gluten...

my original thought looked like the scene on Parenthood, the show,... when Crosby finds out his son Jabarr has a wheat allergy & he is very skeptical that it's just the latest trend... vs. reality. more on that here:

http://storify.com/melissaayala12/nbc-show-parenthood-generating-interest-into-wheat

so from the beginning... early symptoms:

when jude was born he was large & healthy. the only issues we/i had in those early weeks was his ravenous nursing which caused intense contractions for me {almost like labor contractions, seriously}, major baby acne {like teenage breakout!} & his loud breathing, asthmatic wheezing sounds 24/7. I chalked it up to newborn sounds, small nasal cavities, & a few early colds from big brother. but.... this went on for 2 months. & people commented ALL.THE.TIME. as people kept commenting, i began to think there was more to it vs. just mommy being sensitive to her new babe. in addition to the acne he also had a fine rash on his forehead, tons of tiny bumps all over & on his chest, back, diaper area.... not read like the acne, just tiny fine rash. he had very goopy eye drainage that was semi-normal for clogged tear ducts that would go away eventually i was told to massage underneath which i was really undisciplined about doing. i just constantly wiped the goo that dried green. {beware, we will be talking about a lot of bodily functions in this post... just FYI}. as he grew older, i noticed he would have some mucousy diapers, almost watery & when we had those...the smell was more pungent & i noticed a pattern of him waking up screaming crying, red faced, passing gas, then falling back asleep after HUGE tears. he's been gassy from day1. huge manlink "wet" sounding burps, hiccups, & loud loud gas. we laughed in the beginning.... at his 1month appt. i mentioned the symptoms i had noticed & dr.K suggested going dairy free for 4wks. so i did. his acne was gone within 2-3 days. so i thought dairy was the culprit for it all. but, the congestion remained. i started paying closer attention to what i was eating... he seemed to be in more pain, much more congested after certain meals, but i was not sure what the pattern was yet. i really didn't know at the time how much wheat is in. looking back now i see that pasta/bread/cookies etc. the congestion was awful. i mean i was using saline drops & the bulb syringe throughout the day & especially in the wee hours of the morning. it got so bad a few nights that i was in tears, had to wake up ben, & get him to do the suctioning. the most scary part was the wheezing. it sounded like a whistle time breath & he would even do it while sleeping. it was worse when the congestion was at its worst. & the acne flare ups seemed to follow. then the mucousy poops... continue the cycle....

2 month appt & going gluten-free:

dr.K commented that she felt like his congestion was the worst she had seen it, from our previous appointments. she asked if i had removed dairy...yes. then she said it.... "would you be up for maybe trying the elimination diet of all the major allergens including gluten?"... ah. so this meant... citrus, nuts, wheat, eggs, soy, corn. i opted to cut wheat & citrus. limit nuts/eggs, eat only hummus {soy}, & keep corn. otherwise, what the heck was i going to eat. i knocked out citrus b/c i remember my gulping of OJ being a problem with grady after nursing him post-bfast in the early months too. sooo. within 3 days his congestion was GONE. completely. he was breathing like a new baby. i didn't hear him breathe anymore. crazy. on day2 GF he took a 4 hour nap in his crib for the first time.... now that may have been a coincidence b/c he's only done that once since ;) so, i went grocery shopping. decided to stick to it for a while. then i grew really hungry & grumpy. i already missed my creamy cheese/yogurt/sour cream/cream cheese.... now my pasta/bread/muffin/cookie/etc. were gone too. all.the.comfort.foods. now i love fruit/veggies/meat which i can eat... but having 2 small kids & cooking meals that require a little longer to think through & prepare has been rough. there is not quick run to the fridge & throw a frozen pizza in the oven in a pinch anymore. & i found myself eating all day long. wanting snacks more than grady. because nothing stays with my long... except meat/potatoes... which i can have... just not milk or butter... but it was really helping him.... better sleep {zero waking up in pain of gas}, no acne, no congestion, happy, peaceful, blissful babe. & interestingly less nursing. his nursing in the beginning was frantic almost.... comfort nursing. grady was like this for his whole first year of life if i remember correctly {which make me wonder.... what allergies did/does he have?!} our family practice doctor highly recommend me going off dairy with him, i tried, then gave up real fast. {sorry G!} now he nurses when hungry... and thats it. so he has really spread out his feedings. & has been sleeping through the night since about the 2 month mark... & very rarely do i nurse him to sleep. he has his thumb & no gas & off he snooooozes. {note: this could be a difference in temperament, but i think diet may play a role too}

reintroducing gluten aka judes "poison":

during one of his sudden gas pains

this past monday i was reaching a breaking point. hungry. & wondering if the congestion thing was just a coincidence...oh & the icky goopy eye drainage too... one can hope! also, what i thought was a stomach bug or food poisoning for me & grady, turns out was just my change in diet & him getting into my bottle of stool softeners from post-partum.... yep... he did. found the non-child-proof top laying in my bathroom drawer last week {ooops, mommy fail that that wasn't up high out of reach} & when i asked if he ate any... guilty face with a sly yes followed. yikes!!! i could have had a bug or virus, but i think my body is just adjusting to the different foods, or lack of foods rather. plus i did indulge in some chocolate halloween candy.... hmmm. so..... back to monday, i researched a lot this past weekend when/how to reintroduce a food group that was eliminated & for gluten it said 2-3 weeks. i figured since his symptoms cleared up in 3days, 2 weeks was plenty. plus, having a few carbs back in my life would be kinda wonderful at this point. everything said not to gradually reintroduce with wheat, but just eat it 3 meals a day for 3 days to test it out with the least amount of ingredients in the food so you know its the wheat, not something else random.

monday night: hamburger, no cheese, with a bun!

tuesday breakfast: shredded wheat cereal

lunch: a sandwich with bread!

dinner: linguine pasta with tomato sauce {nondairy}, green peppers/mushrooms

by tuesday mid-morning, my child was in PAIN. he was slightly congested, had a few pimply bumps on his face, & was randomly crying due to gas pains more than i had seen him do in weeks. he was like a different baby from the last 2 GF weeks. i recorded a video & sent ben after a few times of this sudden painful gas. i now watch it when i'm craving certain foods & it brings my to tears then zaps my craving in no time ;)

i knew the pasta would do the trick. i hesitated eating it, because after seeing a few symptoms emerge already, i didn't want to cause him more discomfort, but to prevent any more second guessing... i went for it. & it was yummy. lets be honest. yummmy. by the end i felt bloated & like i needed to go to bed at 7pm ha. so i nursed. he went to sleep. then the crazy kicked in. he started spitting up as we nursed....fussy while nursing. i had flashbacks to the early weeks before i went GF. he just didn't love it, but kept coming back for more for comfort i think. it's an awful feeling to know what you are feeding your child is making them sick. the night progressed, lots of waking up screaming. red face. gas. constipation. then a big HUGE muscousy poop an hour or so later... all.night. the next morning he woke up & nursed like a mad man. & proceeded to projectile all over me, out the nose & mouth, all over me. TWICE. fine rash all over forehead, just like early days. more acne. & much more congestion than the day before. this was startling... how could food...wheat... be so intensely violent?!? we've found jude's poison.... wheat. gluten. maybe dairy too. i haven't built up the nerve to reintroduce that yet. maybe next week... the whistle breathing while sleeping occurred alot during the day wednesday & i stopped eating wheat at that point. he has slowly been improving as it's leaving my milk. i think some is still lingering, but now the rash is gone, the acne is fading, & the congestion is almost out. still a little stuff & still very gassy. he slept most of yesterday after the violent throwing up. break.my.heart. so thankful we at least know this part of the puzzle.

let the research continue:

just like i love the "thrill of the hunt" for antiques, i also have a tendency to research.research.research. so i'm in the process of learning all i can about wheat allergy in babies & also the impact of dairy/wheat on kids behavior & attention spans who have ADHD. more on that as my gathering of facts furthers. for now, it's back to making sure this little guy heals from the gluten invasion i began earlier this week & making sure that all that wheat stays out of his system. ummmm no joke ben just walked in with leftovers from brooklyn south from a big younglife dinner... it.smells.yummy. but JUDE, you are worth the sacrifice. completely. love, your mama.

stay tuned for more updates/posts on the topic... what i am eating & what i miss...

my sweet babes... gluten on it's way out!!

:::thankful9:::kid-free.shopping.

2011-11-09T22:35:00.000-05:00

:::thankful9:::kid-free shopping

tonight i got to grocery shop kid-free. enough said. i'm thankful.
{thanks dear! it was gift indeed}

i strolled down those aisles so slowly that a million earthfare people asked if i needed help finding something. ummmm no. just give the lady a chance to soak it in please. can they not tell by the huge smile on my face & the untrimmed dead ends of my hair that i don't get out much!!?! ha. i was like a kid in a candy store... especially since i was able to buy some foods that were gluten free that they don't carry just anywhere... i got so excited when i saw GF english muffins.... o how i've missed thee! more on my gluten free news tomorrow...that'll be a long post i'm just not up for typing out tonight. off to sleep i go. but i'm going to grab a snack first... from my amazing kid-free shopping spree. goodnight*

:::thankful8:::backyard.

2011-11-08T14:24:00.004-05:00

:::thankful8:::our.humble.backyard.

view from our deck down into yard

the hardest part for me about moving from our little house a few miles away was leaving the backyard! we had so much great privacy for g to run & play freely. it was a long, deep yard with huge trees surrounding it on all sides with a mostly inactive train track that brought excitement once in a blue moon & shook the whole house. we spent many hours during the day out there & we even fenced in the yard ourselves when we moved in! but, as our family grew, we needed more space, & hoped for a neighborhood vs. such a busy street in town. we have ended up in the house we first saw that was up for sale when we moved to here.... & after a few persistent calls over that year, they finally agreed to rent it to us. it.was.worth.the.wait.for.sure.

literally the only downfall to this place is the lack of privacy in the yard. our landlord has split the lot {that was deep & long like our other yard} & is building a huge house outside our back door. every few weeks there are lots of workers & machinery building the house {which grady loves!}. it didn't stop us from creating some running space for salem & the boys though... ben was so wonderful to dig up the posts & wire from our other house & bring them over here in the heat of the summer, just before jude was born. it was 100+ degrees out, i was 8 months pregnant, so not much help at all, & it was a really busy time for us. once jude was a week late, i decided we needed to work on that fence to push me into labor! so we did... & he was born the next day ;) a few weeks after jude was born, ben finished up the final gates/wire & now we have a lovely little yard to let salem run out into vs. putting her on a leash.

i'm. SO. grateful!

he even spent a good chunk of time attempting to get the horseswing back in action & somehow got a brick over a limb that dangles over the fence about 60 ft. high! what a pro! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

so now, grady enjoys the freedom of opening the back door, running out onto the deck, peskering salem, mowing the grass with his "lawn mower", playing in his turtle sandbox, running his trucks all around the grass, rolling down the hill, collecting acorns + leaves, chasing squirrels, falling down + getting up again, feeling independent, & more! this morning he even took a dive into the empty sandbox full of rain water in his pj's... o man. the life & adventures of a little boy in his backyard.... to be continued!

cuddles with jude while g plays

the leaves changing

orange slice smiles

popsickle date with his lil lady

:::thankful7:::tinydesk.

2011-11-07T19:41:00.001-05:00

:::thankful7:::NPR's.tiny.desk.concerts.

a few of our favorites. grady's a pretty huge fan as well.

the civil wars

adele

the swell season

+ our own "TINY" concerts::::grady playing/dancing + jude "singing"

ok, just a few older ones.... :)

:::thankful.6:::sundays.

2011-11-06T18:26:00.001-05:00

:::thankful6:::sundays. {&alltheyteach}.

i wake up each morning on sundays expectant.

wondering what the day will hold...

knowing it will be unpredictable on many fronts being in a school setting vs. a church. working with kids & families that by nature are unpredictable due to life. praying my own kids will be rested, healthy, & ready to be flexible while mommy is "working" for a big chunk of the day. & most of all pondering what my Creator will refine me with in the process of leading, serving, messing up, attending the service, learning as i go, etc.

a typical sunday around here looks like this:

early on sunday mornings, i ride down this street of fiery yellow trees to help transform an elementary school cafeteria & hallways into the children's ministry for our new church home. we have really loved seeing the new site of this church form over the past few months. jude was known as the youngest member of the body, until precious little bryce was born just a few weeks ago, since he was born 3 days before we opened the doors! i mention this because:

we just completed our 12th sunday & today was my favorite sunday to date!

it takes a village.

systems are in place.

we've learned how to pack up & tear down with more ease.

kids run to their teachers {who sacrificially commit to volunteer weekly}.

i'm figuring out editing curriculum more everyday.

creating a rhythm for organizing, supplying, coordinating, managing, loving, etc.

deepening of relationships is starting to happen.

i'm really enjoying this new season. even with the first weeks being a blur! ha.

here is our fearless leader, flake, who models for us to

"live simply & give generously"

it seems the Lord always places us where He wants to teach us & use us simultaneously, at least thats been our story along the way. i'm learning so much from leading the children's ministry already. most of the themes are verbalized on sundays as the mantras of our church:

how to fight for simple.

how to look up & around while serving.

how to say no to good things.

how to say yes to things that create space for His spirit.

today really warmed my heart & encouraged my soul. i was finally in a place to step back & assess the fruit of our labor. the labor of 50+ volunteers just within the kids ministry. to see the kids engaged. to watch them enjoy themselves & catch glimpses of Jesus was more than enough to spur me on! it was really, truly beautiful to watch & i feel so honored to have a front row seat in seeing it all unfold. grady soaks it all in... loves playing with macie, dillon, nolan, miles, etc. & especially nolan's mommy + daddy, jen & travis. he begs to leave for church when i leave in the mornings.... but he comes later with daddy & brother. it's precious to watch him light up as he enters the room with carey or anna! so thankful for each of you & the many others who take the time to love on our kids & all the others so moms & dads can BE in church together. i feel like people come to learn, serve, & enjoy. yay.

toddlers + twos + preschoolers enjoying worship by joyce

{grady felt so grown up to walk over to the preschool class!}

they are learning about being "happy helpers" this month.

here are a few of our "baby whisperers" & boy did they have their work cut out for them today... with the change in time for fallback + some off schedule babes

some middle schoolers leading the elementary group in worship,

later followed by bob & holly & gerri bantering about GRATITUDE!

after the first service, i get the blessing of being able to pass the baton to jen, who is on point for the kids while i attend the service with my husband. to worship. be still. have some space in my week to sit beside ben, without the kiddos, & BE. this weekend he was doing program at windy gap & i really missed having him by my side. thanks lindy for stepping in ;) the message was challenging, the music was goodness for my soul, & i left to complete the morning energized! i'm so thankful for my fellow staff, michael + matt, barbara + dennis, who strive to live out what they profess. simple. simple. simple. sooooooooooooooo wonderful. it just feels real. genuine. authentic. so refreshing. so glad to be a part of this body of people. to sing this & mean it. to feel like we have this hope... that He is stronger... than all.the.mess.

once the services end & the last child is picked up... we begin the tear down process where we remove the "church in a box" & turn the rooms back into a school. the entire "church" is packed into one trailer for the week. it's quite a feat!

i usually get home by late lunchtime & grady is napping & jude is eager for mama to get home so he can nurse before we all take our big.ol.nap. it's always, week after week, one of those naps where when you wake up you feel like you just fell asleep, but refreshed at the same time & just want to lay around until dinner time. so thats basically what we do. we hibernate. rest. recharge. for another week!

daddy then heads to campaigners with his high school guys & then over to mantime for davidson college guys, while i stay home & get the boys to bed & read. sundays are FULL. but full of really great things. they are my most stretching day of the week & becoming my favorite!

jude 2.5months + grady 2.5 years

:::thankful5:::flea.markets.

2011-11-05T15:47:00.002-04:00

:::thankful5.flea.markets.

what i love most about flea markets&yard sales are thrill of the hunt to be cliche'. i love walking around with someone who enjoys it as much as me. i like finding things that make me laugh at how much someone i know would like that rooster clock or toy plane made in the 60's, or the broach with sparkles that has so&so's name written all over it. i like to see things for their potential, nosomuch what they are worth. what could they be... not what they are. i like to envision items in my house, or my friends house, or my yard. i like to haggle the prices. i like to ask about stories behind jewelry & meet people from all over & hear bits/pieces of their stories. i like to learn to appreciate that everyone has different views of beauty. i like to remember that we have a Creator who gave us minds & souls to create these overflows of our heart...to buy, sell, trade, enjoy for ourselves. i'm just really thankful for flea markets... sometimes the best trips are when i don't buy a thing. it's the experience.

this morning a new friend, with a super sweet spirit, reeve over at reeveknits, invited me to go to the metrolina flea market expo. {thanks again for the invite!} we had a great time with jude in tow walking around probably not even 1/5 of the booths, inside&out. be sure to listen to reeves tunes... she has a striking voice you won't be able to get enough of... & she sings around town, so be sure to come out to a show... it's on the top of my list of fun nights out for ben & i eventually ;)

i was so proud of myself for only spending a tinybit as i paroused a million things i would love to add to our nest. another plus, a practice in self-control! ha. do i really need this? or will a picture do? hence all the instagrams! the main purchase cannot be disclosed until next week, post-hubs birthday... but the rest was spent on some basic plate racks i need for my plate collage for the kitchen. favorite thing i left & probably should have bought was the matching pyrex pictured above thats just like my grandmas. i had 3 bowls, g accidentally broke 1 a while back, so now i'm down to 2 & a butter dish. i always have my eyes peeled for the teal version at markets.

another item i LoVeD was this sweet two seater... check out that fabric:

next was this lovely vintage print:

& this fallish quilt:

& a birdy pendant in the midst of many:

& purdy seed packets:

& a wicker bassinet + hens:

& christmas paper wreath inspiration:

& one really fun turkey :

a plane, for mad&ry:

& boots.galore:

something for everyone! happy saturday!

:::thankful4:::IOH.

2011-11-04T08:15:00.002-04:00

:::thankful4:::IOH.

Inheritance of Hope co-founder, Kristen Milligan,

In just a few weeks our family will be heading north to attend/serve on the NYC2011 retreat for 16 families from all over the U.S. The parent's this time around have diagnosis varying from breast cancer to gastric cancer to ALS, to brain tumors. For these kids & their parents, this could be one of the last, if not the last, family vacation they get to experience all together on this side of heaven. Some of them know Jesus, some do not.

I am so thankful for the IOH team & the Milligans for enabling this ministry. Not only is it growing, but amazing stories are pouring in nonstop at the impact it's making in these lives. Many of the volunteers have lost someone, if not a parent, to a terminal illness in the past. Michael, for example, lost his father & is now serving on retreats as a volunteer & fundraising as well. Watch his video below to see how you can give & your gift can be tripled... matched by him & his company. You personally can enable these families to experience an unforgettable, all-expense paid, trip to NYC just before Thanksgiving & offer them support through counseling for themselves + their kids, & a loving community who will wrap their arms around them during this season of grieving, dealing, & finding JOY in the midst of it all.

I would challenge you to give if your heart is tugged. Giving could mean financially, but it could also mean prayer. For these families, for the staff, volunteers, & us counselors. For travel. For details in the coming weeks. For the health of those who are sick, that they would be able to come & for comfort in travel. Just for it all. I'm so expectant about this upcoming retreat & so thankful the Lord has used the cancer in Kristen to pour His love out to others as a result !!!! For more on IOH: http://inheritanceofhope.org/

:::thankful3:::laughter.

2011-11-03T13:38:00.000-04:00

:::thankful3:::laughter.

what is it about laughter that just warms our souls & makes everything seem ok, even just for a moment? i think it's something our Creator knew we needed. just like food. or sleep. or love.

think of a time when you've laughed so hard you've teared up & cried... doesn't it make you smile even now to think of it?!?

we even learned about this in grad school, how when in a counseling session things get too intense or serious & it feels like time to lighten the mood, to throw in a joke or something to make everyone more at ease. {then of course hop back to the topic at hand!}

it's such a release. & when you hear a baby or toddler doing it... it's like a release x10.

this video was the beginning of jude's first attempt at laughter.... much.more.to.come!

so today let's be thankful for laughter. giggles. deep down belly laughs. humor is sometimes the best medicine.

grinning from ear to ear at his big brother... who piled on the trains.

:::thankful2:::chalk.

2011-11-02T22:12:00.001-04:00

thankful2:::chalkboard.paint.

this weekend we did this & this. on our 1st FREE saturday in a WHILE.

our version of the "home rules" floating around blogs + pinterest

a chalkboard fridge to cover up the missing handle from our move & rusty spots.

(grady pretty much loves it!}

& today grady + myself are recovering from some nasty food poisoning that reared it's ugly head about 3am. not.so.fun. today has included cancelled plans, a messy house, lots of bland eating, carbonated drinking, fussy babies & mommy, daddy coming to the rescue with a case of izze's to cheer me up.... and lots & lots of rest & "chilling out" according to g. tomorrow will be a new day. hoping grady gets some solid sleep tonight, so we'll all get some solid sleep tonight. praying jude & ben don't get this if for some reason it's contagious & not due to bad food. ick.

on our list of things "we do" in our home... i would say the ones we did the most today would be: messy, pray often, sacrifice, joy in suffering {well attempted to anyway}, & slowdown. wonder what tomorrow will bring?

:::thankfulness:::

2011-11-02T20:45:00.003-04:00

“Give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:18

::we always have something to be grateful for::

these smiles pretty much sum up pure, innocent,

childlike, finding the silver lining JOY for me!

it's that time of the year again... as we enter november, let me bring us back to the 2nd annual thankfulness posts, you may remember from thesepostsrighthere from last year. {ooo forgot about my thrifty.thursday posts, may have to resurrect those soon!} we have so much to be grateful for....even in the midst of hardtimes. i was pleasantly reminded of this during my new monthly routine of editing curriculum for 3 year olds-5th graders. the theme for elementary this month is: gratitude. i love how i'll be learning alongside these kiddos. how to hunt for the goodness when there is a shadow or cloud lingering... finding the silver lining.... it's always there.

goodnight.moon.

2011-10-31T21:18:00.001-04:00

gooooodnite*

brontosaurus.pumpkin.

:::carved by::: daddy & grady

i'm not too scarrrrry diaper

mr. "reverse trick-or-treat" himself... the elephant who loved giving away his candy.

i think he was a little confused... hehe. guess he won't miss what i'm chomping on right now! i think his favorite part was running to the door during dinner to see the costumes & hand out candy vs. getting candy... & i'm just fine with that!

picking the pumpkin, strolling the pumpkin home, carving, & ewwwwwwwing.

one unhappy, notinthemood to pose, ready to nurse, babe.